T – 10 days

How odd – all of today (and the last few days), I have been sitting, doing whatever (mostly work) and have had thoughts on a new post. Particularly as I had my pre-operative checks on Tuesday. And now…….. my mind has gone totally blank. I would use the comparison of having a black-hole-like space in my thinking but I am sure physics would disagree on that one.

Well, pre-ops. What can I say. You get ‘invited‘ in to hospital and are made to wait. Although, I have to say, my appointment being at 8.50 in the morning I was in and out within the hour. First I was taken to one room by a very lovely nurse who said she would have to take swab samples to test me for MRSA……. erm, ok??? I have never had issues with that, to my knowledge anyway. But apparently one can be a carrier without displaying any symptoms. And if that weren’t bad enough, I was told that if my swabs were to show MRSA the whole procedure would be postponed.

Now, I am sure I made myself understood when I said I didn’t want to go through with it as such, but oh my gosh did I panic then. Think of me as being totally nuts, I don’t care, but since then I have actually been visualising myself in hospital with all the tubes, drips and discomforts. The only thing worse than having it done is having to postpone, increasing the agonising time of worry and driving myself up the wall with it. The nurse made me smile however. She assured me I didn’t look like an MRSA carrier. Upon stating my relief and asking her what exactly an MRSA carrier looked like she said it was difficult to explain, but I should just call it gut instinct. From her lips to God’s ear was all I could think. However, so far I haven’t heard back from hospital so my guess is I am fine – THANKFULLY!

My next stop was with a senior nurse ‘clerking‘ me as she called it. So basically I was asked to lay my dirty bare. Ok, in seriousness, I was asked the usual ‘are you fit and healthy’ questions. I came armed with several of my own, though unfortunately most of these could only be answered by the medics themselves and I had no chance of seeing any of them that day. And through all this time I was more than just in my own world. I am pleased to say however all my fingernails are still in tact.

And so it begins – the waiting game. Not that it hasn’t been a waiting game up to this point, but with each day, hour that passes I am that much closer to…. what exactly? Being sliced and diced? Milking compassion from everyone around me (yes I admit it, I want it lol. That and Vodka – lots of it!! 😉 )? The agony of bronchial aspiration until I can deal with cleaning the trach myself? The joys of purreed food for 2 weeks? Being caged up in a ward without actually being able to communicate on anything other than paper or electronic devices with keyboards? The outlook of having this sorted? I guess all of the above. To use the words of a Coldplay song that seem quite fitting here: I know the sun must set to rise…. (from the song ‘Paradise‘)

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